When recovering from trauma, loving partners, friends, and family are a must… Recovery is a team effort!

by | Jun 24, 2013

Robert D. Stolorow, Ph.D., Ph.D.
Robert D. Stolorow, Ph.D., Ph.D. is a Founding Faculty Member at the Institute of Contemporary Psychoanalysis, Los Angeles, and at the Institute for the Psychoanalytic Study of Subjectivity, New York City. He is the author of World, Affectivity, Trauma: Heidegger and Post-Cartesian Psychoanalysis (Routledge, 2011) and Trauma and Human Existence: Autobiographical, Psychoanalytic, and Philosophical Reflections (Routledge, 2007) and coauthor of eight other books. He received the Distinguished Scientific Award from the Division of Psychoanalysis of the American Psychological Association in 1995, the Haskell Norman Prize for Excellence in Psychoanalysis from the San Francisco Center for Psychoanalysis in 2011, and the Hans W. Loewald Memorial Award from the International Forum for Psychoanalytic Education in 2012.

“I’ll be with you when the deal goes down!”  Quoting from this website…

“We must not turn away from another’s experience of trauma by offering false reassurances about time healing all wounds or empty platitudes about letting go and moving on. We offer such reassurances and platitudes when another’s traumatized state confronts us with our own finitude and existential vulnerability, and so we turn evasively away…”


I have never succeeded at anything in my life completely on my own and by myself.  Sure, I felt alone during my childhood living in a post WWII family culture that was highly abusive and toxic most of the time.  But there were plenty of experiences outside of home to show me that it takes a team to survive in the world.  It takes friendship, love, trust, and empathy for others to live a healthy, happy, and productive life.  I feel blessed to have picked up on this human connectedness and outreach idea early in my life, because it saved my life.  I could have easily withdrawn and become isolated and afraid.  I am not sure exactly what triggered my belief in others.  I can share that early on there were opportunities to feel the power of teamwork, mentorship and leadership from others in school, work and in sports.  I now know from my own experience and research that we innately feel this way, but run the risk of  walking away from others and our own human need for a spiritual connection.  I had to force myself to take a risk to trust others and go with my gut at a very young age.  There was little or no trust at home.  I had to just trust that the outside world was different than my scary and lonely family culture.  Many mistakes were made in my own self discovery along the way.  I just kept plugging away and believing in the human spirit.  I feel so blessed and lucky at this time in my life to have taken the high road by trusting and loving others…  Don’t give up on yourself ever!  Keep trying, and keep moving forward in believing in yourself and  embrace others who care about you in your life…

Steve Sparks
Reconciliation: A Son’s Story click to order my book or download Kindle version…

About the author

Steve Sparks is a retired information technology sales and marketing executive with over 35 years of industry experience, including a Bachelors’ in Management from St. Mary’s College. His creative outlet is as a non-fiction author, writing about his roots as a post-WWII US Navy military child growing up in the 1950s-1960s.
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