June 7, 2013 in Brene Brown, Daring Greatly, Vulnerability | Tags: healing, post-traumatic stress disorder (ptsd), shame

A trauma survivor’s  first reaction is self-preservation – to defend, to hide, to spend whatever remaining energy to control. Self-preservation is primary, even if it means  she/he closes off thoughts, emotions, and eventually isolates family and  friends.
A survivor, unfortunately albeit understandably, becomes someone who lives in fear.
A survivor never wants to be vulnerable again, never wants to be powerless again.
And, who can blame him/her!
Yet, Brene Brown, author of Daring Greatly, claims that it is only when we allow ourselves to become vulnerable that we can heal.

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When reading the above referenced article, I was instantly reminded of the value of being and becoming vulnerable again while healing from traumatic life events…  The word “vulnerable” takes on somewhat of a negative connotation for those of us who suffer from the symptoms of anxiety and depression resulting from the effects of moral injury and PTSD.  We want to be in control, at all times!  Letting down our guard, and not being on alert for imminent danger is highly stressful in a normal day to day setting in life after trauma…  I was always looking for something bad to happen for so many years that my trust in others, including loved ones hardly existed.  In a controlled environment like the work place it was easier to be on guard or hyper vigilant.  I was paid lots of money for being less than vulnerable to the day to day hostile world of sales and marketing, and the competitive battle field.   It became so valuable in my work that it was almost impossible to take down this rigid guard in my personal life.  But in later years and with the right wholesome relationships at home and in the community, I started letting my guard down, and begin learning to trust others.  I also started on an extended journey of healing from the traumatic events of my past, especially as a child living in a highly toxic and hostile home circumstance.

It was not easy dropping my guard and trusting others because it was a critical mindset to protect my soul from a perceived dangerous world around me.  This is exactly why it is also highly challenging for a combat veteran who returns home to life after war where being vulnerable again in a less hostile world is generally the rule of the day.  “Coming home” is virtually impossible unless we return to the healthy climate of vulnerability in a safe world of trustworthy human connectedness and communications…  I am mostly “home” now at age 67 and the peace of mind is a huge gift.  I still practice hyper-vigilance at the right time and places where the discipline is beneficial, especially in professional circumstances.  But when surrounded by loved loves and the non-threatening and close trusting friendships of my world these days, being vulnerable, sensitive, and compassionate is so much more rewarding and healing…

Steve Sparks
Author
Reconciliation: A Son’s Story  click to order…