Vernon H. Sparks, 1918-1998, BMC US Navy, WWII & Korean War. USS West Virginia, Pearl Harbor, December 7, 1941
Steve Sparks with Jim Downing, left and Robert Benafal, right. Both served with my father on the USS West Virginia (BB48) in Pearl Harbor on December 7, 1941.
This is a red granite memorial tablet mounted behind on a gray granite slab with an electric flame on a pedestal in front of the Lincoln County Courthouse.
Several years ago while walking around our City Park in Depoe Bay, Oregon, I stopped to look closely at our town’s VFW Veterans Memorial. When I looked closer, the name Ronald Allen Slane, Sp5, US Army 1967-68 was engraved on the plaque as an example to honor veterans of all wars. Ron was a medic who died during an ambush in Vietnam while trying to save another soldier…he didn’t even have a weapon to defend himself. “Ron Slane, Lincoln City, Oregon, volunteered to go to war as an army medic. He was a conscientious objector, but believed he had a duty to serve in some way.”
Depoe Bay, Oregon VFW Memorial…Click photo for a larger view…
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For me, and millions of kids born before and after WWII, Veterans Day, is very personal. Now, in retirement, I devote much of my spare time honoring veterans of all wars, and military families who serve too… I also honor my fellow veterans who served during the Vietnam War, and all the wars since then. We can never thank our veterans and their families enough for serving America while protecting the freedoms we enjoy each and every day of our lives. This is a debt that can never be paid back…
So, on this Veterans Day, go visit at least one veterans memorial close to home, and give thanks to all those who have served, who serve now, and will serve in the future, including 1st responders who keep us safe on the home front. Thank the families and loved ones who serve too, and who become the care givers to our heroes who return home with moral and physical injuries that often require a lifetime of healing.
Steve Sparks, Author, Reconciliation: A Son’s Story and My Journey of Healing in Life After Trauma, Part 1 & 2…click here.
“Even if we’ve gotten pretty good and consistent about offering forgiveness to others, isn’t forgivingourselvesoften the most difficult?”
Steve Sparks, Author, Blogger, Community Building Consultant, Mental Health Advocate…
Hello again dear friends and followers,
It has been awhile since I have written a blog post, one from my heart and soul that is… It has been an amazing year so far, mostly living a happy and healthy life with my loving wife, Judy, and Simba, our aging kitty. Most importantly, we are growing as senior citizens in a highly active community on the central coast of Oregon near Depoe Bay. We love living at the beach! We are blessed with loving friends and neighbors who look out for each other. But as life usually works, stuff happens…
Just when I thought my own journey of healing was well in hand; you know, a manageable work in progress, I went off the rails big time in late May and early June! I can’t even know why my heart and soul picked this exact time and moment to revisit a very dark and painful time in my young adult life. Sometimes unfinished business and a reckoning with the demons of another life can come at the most unexpected and surprising time in one’s life, especially as we age.
It was like my brain was exploding with grief about a long ago severe traumatic experience that I had kept in a hidden compartment…a state of denial. The last time I grieved with great intensity and healing was while writing my first book, Reconciliation: A Son’s Story. But that was just a first step in 2011, and a very long way to go in taking an honest shot at truly forgiving myself as a challenged young man. I was woefully unprepared for adult life in the 1960’s and early 70’s, in a marriage that failed, leaving my 2 young beautiful children with a single mom, only to see Dad on vacations and short visits. A very sad reality for too many young marriages that end in pain. I feel deep regret and profound guilt from this part of my life as a young adult. But it is now time to forgive myself after 45 years of self punishment and denial. The lifelong nagging and destructive emotional pain of severe guilt stops now! If you are angry with yourself, you behave in angry ways toward loved ones.
When kids grow up in a less than loving home, as I did in the 1950s and early 60s, they tough it out, but often take the emotional pain and baggage into adult life, affecting loved ones and others in too many negative ways. Read my book and learn more about the challenges of a military child growing up in a profoundly dysfunctional post WWII family culture.
“Learning who you are is a life long labor of love.” This quote, on my home page…Children and Families in Life After Truma came to me some months ago while working as a community building project consultant in Lincoln County Oregon where we live. This personal and professional experience has turned out to be one of the most profoundly humanistic learning opportunities in my lifetime… It has been a journey of exploring humanity at worst and best. I’ll say more about this in a later post.
Allow me to share a couple of highlights from my summer visits with a wonderful therapist, a psychologist, from my own boomer generation. He is an ol’ surf dude as well…just like me. There was an instant connection of empathy and compassion…great chemistry. It is very challenging to find the right therapist. It is never to late…keep trying.
Before this last spring I can’t remember ever having a therapist who actually provided me with specific tools to help build skills and techniques that showed me how to meditate. These disciplined self talk and deep breathing exercises proved to me how positive talk can beat back self deprecation and guilt from past emotionally painful life events…post trauma recurring painful thoughts and triggers.
Once the meditation exercises became a daily practice, I was able to effectively divert attention from negative and painful self talk back to the logical part of my brain where living in the moment and mitigating flight/fight responses happens. I learned how to stop the churning of a lifetime of severe guilt from moral injuries during childhood and young adult life…. Peace of mind is a gift at any age!
In my next post, I’ll share more of how my therapy and daily practice of meditation is helping me heal and discover how to live in the moment with a higher level of internal peace and self love. Until then, practice saying to yourself “Curious, Open, Accepting and Loving” or COAL for short. Seeking an attitude of COAL while breathing deeply during a highly stressful encounter or event is worth a try.
With empathy, compassion and love to all who seek happiness, peace of mind and good health.
Steve Sparks, Author, Blogger, Mental Health Advocate
Reconciliation: A Son’s Story, by Steve Sparks click here
As a member of the Sheriff’s Community Advisory Group, I can speak intelligently about law enforcement. Lincoln County law enforcement and public safety resources work most effectively as a strong collaboration, a continuum of essential services. It is a true partnership between city police departments, state & federal, fire houses, emergency services, ambulance, hospitals and the County Sheriff.
The larger and more critical goal is to improve the safety and quality of life for all citizens, including the most needy who frequent the County Jail. Measure 21-186 is a good investment at the right time.
The expanded services from the Sheriff will help reduce recidivism in the County Jail (being arrested again and re-incarcerated); and promote community treatment and recovery. Measure 21-186 is a “ smart on crime” approach that is spreading across communities all over Oregon and America.
Vote yes on Measure 21-186 to make Lincoln County Oregon a stronger and safer community for all residents and frequent visitors of this beautiful coastal region.
As a Lincoln County citizen and member of the Sheriff’s Community Advisory Group, I can speak intelligently about law enforcement and public safety. Lincoln County law enforcement and public safety resources work most effectively as a strong collaboration, a continuum of essential services. It is a true partnership between city police departments, state & federal, fire houses, emergency services, ambulance, hospitals and the County Sheriff. The larger and more critical goal is to improve the safety and quality of life for all citizens, including the most needy who frequent the County Jail. Measure 21-186 is a good investment at the right time. The expanded services from the Sheriff will help reduce recidivism in the County Jail; and promote community treatment and recovery. Measure 21-186 is a “smart on crime” approach that is spreading across communities all over Oregon and America. Vote yes on Measure 21-186 to make Lincoln County Oregon a stronger and safer community for all residents and frequent visitors of this beautiful coastal region.
Steve Sparks Author, Speaker, Consultant Depoe Bay Oregon
April is National Child Abuse Prevention Month. My journey of healing and awareness has allowed me to thrive under some very tough circumstances while growing up in a post WWII toxic home with parents severely affected by the symptoms of PTSD… I carried the emotional baggage with me as an adult for many decades before realizing it was time to reconcile the pain of my childhood and young adult life. My work with children and families through writing books, this blog, and participating in appropriate forums as a spokesperson is a labor of love, and opportunity to make a difference one child at a time.
In this link, Military Kids with PTSD, I posted about my own observations and experience as a military child growing up with parents who suffered severely from the symptoms of PTSD. As a military parent please take extra time to focus on your children. Use not only this month of April…take your increased awareness forward and help kids understand how war affects families of combat veterans, especially children. Use the resources to educate kids with love and kindness. Do not allow the children in your life grow up feeling isolated and alone with the memories that are often painful and misunderstood. As a parent or teacher you can make a huge difference in the lives of kids on this critical issue. We owe it to our children to give them the opportunity to grow up and live a healthy, happy, and productive life…
Please become engaged in community events promoting awareness for the prevention of child abuse. If there is not an event planned near you, create one using the resources and references in the links provided in this post…. National Children’s Alliance…
Measure 21-186 is a good investment at the right time. The expanded services from the Sheriff will help reduce recidivism in the County Jail; and promote community treatment and recovery.— Steve Sparks
Lincoln County is a beautiful place to live and a great place to raise a family, however our crime rate has reached a tipping point. Your local Sheriff’s Deputies are strapped and desperately seek your help in solving our community’s problems by voting “Yes” for Public Safety.
Corrections deputies continue to see high jail recidivism and persons with mental illness housed in our jail as other community needs are not met.
Solution: Yes on Public Safety provides funding for proven programs and job training to reduce recidivism, funds a full time work crew deputy for an inmate work crew to address community needs and allows for an inmate counselor to help mentally ill inmates.
Patrol deputies see the after effects of assaults on persons and property crimes that occur when none of us are on duty. In fact, the number of patrol deputies for Lincoln County has not increased in over 25 years and there are not enough of us to provide 24 hour coverage.
Solution: Yes on Public Safety smartly provides a modest increase of patrol deputies to ensure 24 hour patrol coverage 7 days a week for all Lincoln County. 24/7 patrol coverage is a must for citizen safety and security of property.
Patrol deputies and detectives see daily the human toll of illegal drug use by addicted parents who abuse children and property crimes perpetuated by persons who steal to support their habit.
Solution: Yes on Public Safety provides both a full-time drug detective to shut down local illegal drug dealers and a supervisor position to help detectives currently working on abuse and property crime cases.
We, your local public safety servants, view Public Safety measure 21-186 as a smart and effective solution to our county’s crime rate and that it will improve quality of life for all who live and visit Lincoln County.
Veterans Day 2017…Visit Memorials and Participate in Events Close to Home…
Vernon H. Sparks, 1918-1998, BMC US Navy, WWII & Korean War. USS West Virginia, Pearl Harbor, December 7, 1941
Steve Sparks with Jim Downing, left and Robert Benafal, right. Both served with my father on the USS West Virginia (BB48) in Pearl Harbor on December 7, 1941.
This is a red granite memorial tablet mounted behind on a gray granite slab with an electric flame on a pedestal in front of the Lincoln County Courthouse.
Several years ago while walking around our City Park in Depoe Bay, Oregon, I stopped to look closely at our town’s VFW Veterans Memorial. When I looked closer, the name Ronald Allen Slane, Sp5, US Army 1967-68 was engraved on the plaque as an example to honor veterans of all wars. Ron was a medic who died during an ambush in Vietnam while trying to save another soldier…he didn’t even have a weapon to defend himself. “Ron Slane, Lincoln City, Oregon, volunteered to go to war as an army medic. He was a conscientious objector, but believed he had a duty to serve in some way.”
Depoe Bay, Oregon VFW Memorial…Click photo for a larger view…
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For me, and millions of kids born before and after WWII, Veterans Day, is very personal. Now, in retirement, I devote much of my spare time honoring veterans of all wars, and military families who serve too… I also honor my fellow veterans who served during the Vietnam War, and all the wars since then. We can never thank our veterans and their families enough for serving America while protecting the freedoms we enjoy each and every day of our lives. This is a debt that can never be paid back…
So, on this Veterans Day, go visit at least one veterans memorial close to home, and give thanks to all those who have served, who serve now, and will serve in the future, including 1st responders who keep us safe on the home front. Thank the families and loved ones who serve too, and who become the care givers to our heroes who return home with moral and physical injuries that often require a lifetime of healing.
Steve Sparks, Author, Reconciliation: A Son’s Story and My Journey of Healing in Life After Trauma, Part 1 & 2…click here.
A Humvee doesn’t offer much protection for combat soldiers who are at risk of an IED explosion.
Commissioner Bill Hall, Lincoln County Oregon
by Commissioner Bill Hall, Lincoln County Oregon
I want to tell you about a young man whose story touches so many things that are important to me–honoring veterans, helping the homeless, treating addictions. He’s a Lincoln County native who came from the most loving, supportive family you could imagine. Did well in school. Honorably served in Afghanistan. He was riding in a Humvee like this that ran over an IED that went off. Complained of back pain. Was given opioid pain killers and sent home. Months later, when the pain persisted, the VA finally did an MRI and found he had a fractured back. Cut off his pain meds. He had a live-in companion, a child, a home, a responsible job. He turned to heroin to deal with the ongoing pain and lost companion, child, home and job. Ended up running afoul of the law and making the news. I saw many horrible comments about him here on Facebook. Ignorant, judgmental people. There’s a ray of hope now. He’s in treatment and so far, so good, but he faces a long road. We have to stop criminalizing addictions, people. We have to start honoring veterans by doing more than just spouting slogans and waving the flag. We have to become a more just and caring society. I know, I’m a dreamer. But if I stop dreaming, I’ll lose hope.
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I spent the first 6 decades of my life trying to figure out what was wrong with me and everything else in my life. When I finally started learning about post trauma stress (PTS) and trauma informed care, it was clear that empathy and compassion were possible once we changed the conversation to “what happened” not “what is wrong.” This seemingly basic concept allowed me to begin my own journey of healing in 2011 at age 64. Everytime I talk to a person suffering from PTSD, including depression, anxiety, addiction, and other mental health challenges, I try to find out what happened, not what is wrong. Once we change the conversation to what happened, the talk shifts immediately to a greater mutual understanding of the roots of the emotional struggles of your friends, neighbors, and loved ones who are suffering from a past traumatic life event. In the story above, we are talking about a combat veteran who came home from war a different person because of being exposed to the horrific violence of war. The explosion from an IED can also cause traumatic brain injury, a compounded physical injury that affects a persons ability to process stressful circumstances. We know now that the human brain is rewired, the chemistry changes to adapt to extreme survival circumstances that combat veterans experience in extended deployments on the battlefield. Because we know this as human beings we can have more empathy and compassion for others who suffer terribly, often 24/7 with the emotional baggage of war, the violence and carnage, losing a buddy, seeing little children dead in the streets as collateral damage is too much for a once healthy mind to process and get past once home to resume life as a typical citizen.
I hope Bill Hall’s story and my comments help others to empathize with all veterans who come home after serviing America in wars we start and often never finish. We citizens send young men and women to war, afterall. The war comes home to the dinner table and the community where it is often extremely difficult for veterans to readjust to a typical life as a member of our society. Be kind, be loving, listen and learn, then guide your dear friend and loved one to a path of healing. We know how to help in the 21st Century. There was a time decades ago when sons, daughters, fathers and mothers came home from war and we had no idea what they were experiencing emotionally, and didn’t know what to do. There are no more excuses for ignorance, no more excuses for a lack of empathy and compassion!
Steve Sparks, Author, Blogger, Child Advocate, Mental Health Champion
Lincoln County Oregon Commissioner Bill Hall, Sheriff Curtis Landers, and Steve Sparks, Stepping Up Initiative Project Consultant
Lincoln County Oregon Media Release…click image for larger view…
Moving Forward and Stepping Up – By Bill Hall, Curtis Landers and Steve Sparks
(9.15.17 – Lincoln County, OR)
The three of us teamed up a year ago to launch an effort that’s beginning to transform Lincoln County in profound ways. Stepping Up is a national effort to transform the way we deal with people with mental illness and addiction issues in the justice system, but its’ impacts are even more far-reaching.
In early 2015, the American Psychiatric Association, Council of State Governments and National Association of Counties came together to launch Stepping Up. Jails and prisons have become the default holding facilities in our country for people with mental illness and addictions issues. It’s estimated that nationally, more than two million people are behind bars primarily because of behavioral health challenges.
Why is this a problem? Just a few of the reasons:
These institutions aren’t equipped to deal with this population. They don’t get better behind bars; their condition deteriorates.
This group tends to get stuck in the system, with longer stays often for relatively minor offenses, making it more difficult to keep people in custody who truly need to be there.
It drains public resources, in both the correctional and health care systems, as these people cycle through the system again and again.
Is this a problem in Lincoln County? Yes. Our jail holds 161 people. At any given time, about 30 percent of these folks have a diagnosed mental illness, and about a third of this group are severely and persistently mentally ill. This 30% does not include those with addictions issues.
Their numbers are growing, yet our total number of jail beds are finite, which makes it harder to avoid releasing people before their sentences are completed. Our goal is not to increase the number of jail beds, but to reduce the need for the jail beds we have.
Our county has recognized this issue for a long time. We’ve had a mental health subcommittee under our Local Public Safety Coordinating Council for more than a decade. We have a Mental Health Court, a jail counselor (something many counties larger than us don’t have), and have received a grant to establish mobile mental health crisis services. All of these are positive steps, but we need a lot more.
In October of 2016, the Lincoln County Commissioners adopted the Stepping Up resolution, which formally made us part of this national effort. As of this writing, 389 counties have adopted the resolution nationally, which represents more than a third of the total population in the United States. Sixteen of Oregon’s 36 counties are on board.
Giving people in the justice system better tools to deal with mental illness is one of our priorities. All members of the Sheriff’s Office and Community Corrections have completed Mental Health First Aid training, a one-day course designed to give everyone tools to recognize and assist in a mental health crisis. The Sheriff’s Office is also accelerating Crisis Intervention Team (CIT) training for patrol and corrections deputies. CIT is a week-long course designed to give officers tools to de-escalate a crisis.
At the end of August, more than three dozen people involved in criminal justice and public safety, along with a number of community partners in treatment, social services, the faith community and peers, came together for a day and a half-long Sequential Intercept Mapping Exercise (SIM). Lincoln County was among 54 counties that applied to receive this workshop at no charge this year: this is a testament to our level of community commitment and readiness.
At the SIM workshop, participants assessed our current system at six key points where people with behavioral health issues can encounter the justice system, identified our most critical gaps, and developed action plans to address the first four issues on that list.
The four priorities that emerged: establishing stronger pre-arrest diversions; setting up pre-trial services to provide support to people released pending trial and to hold them accountable; a more formalized re-entry system; and the integration of peer services at every stage of the process.
We’ve made amazing progress in just a year’s time, yet our work has just begun. We are, however, quite confident of achieving our goals. Why? The tremendous level of buy-in among partners and stakeholders is encourages us greatly. And, it’s been amazing, and sad, to hear from people who are aware of this work and tell us how much it is needed.
We have heard too many stories of families, careers and lives shattered by mental illness and addiction. Sometimes it’s a co-worker, sometimes it’s a neighbor, sometimes it’s a family member. Families and communities everywhere have suffered far too long. It’s up to us as citizens to step up and finally end the cycle of damage and begin to heal.
Vernon H. Sparks, 1918-1998, BMC US Navy, WWII & Korean War. USS West Virginia, Pearl Harbor, December 7, 1941