https://psychcentral.com/lib/10-way-to-build-and-preserve-better-boundaries
10 Ways to Build and Preserve Better Boundaries from PsychCentral…
“Many people know what the word “boundaries” means, but they have no idea what they are. You might think of boundaries as something like a property line or “brick wall” used to keep people out.”
My stuff…
I can say with all honesty, that my understanding of “essential boundaries” of late is both enlightening and embarrassing. I have done a miserable job in these later years, especially…
My goal now is to do much better, indeed! This will make my life more enjoyable and peaceful, I believe. It will especially make the lives of my friends and loved ones easier to communicate with me…
These are the topics of “essential boundaries” I believe most of us struggle with in some ways. I look at each in terms of my own experiences and goals to get better…
Physical...
“This refers to your personal space, your privacy, and your body. You might be someone who is comfortable with public displays of affection (hugs, kisses, and hand-holding), or you might be someone who prefers not to be touched in public.”
I’m a ‘touchy feel’ sort. Always have been. I love to feel the souls of others. Trust and closeness is critical in my interactions…
At the same time, as I have aged, this is sometimes where I have to stop and breathe. Take a moment and respect others more and remember my own values of empathy, compassion and respect.
Promise, I’ll try harder. It really helps to remember to put on my hearing aids! Listening to myself and others is at the center of doing a whole lot better…
Sexual...
“These are your expectations concerning intimacy. Sexual comments and touches might be uncomfortable for you.”
As a young man, sexual advances were common and accepted. This behavior is troublesome in the workplace, especially. I learned long ago in my career how damaging this intrusion can be for others with distracting eyes…
Doing a pretty good now with my own feelings and awareness. Even as an old dude with limited capacity, I still feel sexy.
Yeah, I’m happy about that. I adore my wife and see her the same now as I did 40 years ago. I see and appreciate the beauty of other women of all ages, and people in general…
Intellectual...
“These boundaries concern your thoughts and beliefs. Intellectual boundaries are not respected when someone dismisses another person’s ideas and opinions.”
Sometimes, I’m overcome with enthusiasm and energy about the things we care about as kindred spirits. My work is exciting and requires collaborative engagement, with a diversified group of smart and passionate friends and colleagues…
Thinking, my capacity as a younger person was tuned up for effective engagement on my own was far better. I have to remember to step back and breathe and be more mindful.
Again, my hearing aids are essential, and give me much improved listening capacity. I’ve always tried to be a good listener. Listening is critical to learning and communicating effectively…
Emotional...
“This refers to a person’s feelings. You might not feel comfortable sharing your feelings about everything with a friend or partner. Instead, you prefer to share gradually over time.”
Maybe, I’ve been too transparent at times. In my work, transparency is critical to healing, and engaging with others who often struggle silently. This is easy for me, but outside of my work, not so much…
With family members in particular, I’m learning to really step back and shut my trap! I try to let others engage and listen. Once in awhile my 2 cents might be valued, especially if asked a question. I love questions!
I know also, my mental and emotional health presents a bigger challenge with age. I gets lots of help and support here. But, coaching is a big deal. I appreciate all my close friends and colleagues who help me. My wife, Judy, is my rock!
Financial...
“This one, as you guessed, is all about money. If you like to save money — not spend it on trendy fashions — you might not want to loan money to a friend who does.”
We are truly blessed as a family with relatively good financial security in my life. Hard work and passion for my works has paid off…
But, making big bucks or becoming a billionaire has never been a strong aspiration. I think about the work first and my passion to make a difference for others.
Talking about money and compensation is uncomfortable. I believe a ‘dollars ‘n cents’ conversation needs to be private.
Except for business bottom line discussions with colleagues, how much money you make or made, or want to make, doesn’t add anything to productive conversation. Do you agree?
So, I take this learning experience about “essential boundaries ” far more seriously these days. It’s never too late to keep learning and getting better for yourself, especially. Others in your life will be happier and more peaceful too…
Promise, I’ll keep my hearing aids plugged in during all my waking hours…
Children and Families in Life After Trauma
