How do you flush out assholes when the toilet is plugged up? Sound like your busness? PG13

by | Oct 31, 2020

Yes! Call the corporate ‘hatchet man.’ Not the local plummer. So, they called me. The asshole’s asshole.

I was among the few who carried this prestigious badge of honor.

My PTSD was the cause. I didn’t know it until finally getting the hell out of the fox hole in 1990. It takes a lifetime navigating this shit.

My most favorite and fun episode was in 1989 in Atlanta at Nortel.

I showed up the 1st day in my new job as VP of Nothing. I was hot! By far and away, the best of the best. Like no other in the the 10 years of Nortel’s young life in the lower 48. Perhaps, in the history of the telecommunications business. Up until then.

My first assignment was firing this weirdo crazy asshole in Reno. This might be the toughest assignment yet in my career, I thought with a grin. I loved firing assholes. Nobody before me could fire big bad John in Reno.

John had a baseball bat and a jar of Vaseline on his conference table. I saw it immediately. Try to imagine what he did with that to intimidate his team. Scary shit,” I thought. Wow!

Then, I saw a shot gun hidden behind a curtain. This asshole was far more dangerous than any asshole I had to take out in all my 25 years of flushing out assholes I couldn’t wait to fire his stupid ass. Big Bad John would soon meet his match.

John was a mighty man strong on the surface. But I could tell he was insecure and a weak sister in disguise. He was also a narcissistic SOB. A bad and dangerous prick indeed. This is where my talents served me well.

So, one day after months of building a case, I had the honor to say to Big Bad John, “YOU’RE FIRED!” Just imagine how good it felt to send Big Bad John out on his ugly ass.

We used to say, how assholes stuck around like stink on shit… As we strategized how to remove these cancerous assholes who didn’t care about anyone except themselves. Big Bad John did have an affinity for rattle snakes though.

Assholes are self serving. They don’t give a rats ass about anything but themselves. Assholes take everybody down with them.

Nortel failed after I retired. The assholes got in while we were distracted by greed…

I got my vested pension and took my fat 401k with me. Moved my family to Icicle Valley in 1990. I was tired of flushing out assholes.

Then Bill Gates saved us. Corporations don’t call executives ‘hatchet men’ anymore. I like ‘change agents’ better. Better yet ‘business transformation’ consultants. For me, this paradigm shift seemed boring at the time. I loved firing assholes like Big Bad John.

Remember though, these pros are still the asshole’s asshole. I trained them.

What is the moral of this story.?

Joe Biden is not an asshole. But he knows assholes like no other on the face of the planet. Joe knows how to fire assholes.

I know Joe well. I trust him. Joe knows how to flush out assholes. He trained me.

Joe Biden will have the true honor, like we have never ever seen in the history of the planet on Nov4th to say to Donald J. Trump, “YOU’RE FUCKIN’ FIRED, ASSHOLE!!!

Then, there will be dancing in streets in communities all over America and globe. And in all colors, black, brown and white folks everywhere will sing and chant at once, YOU’RE FUCKING FIRED!!!

Joe is not weak. Joe is as tough as nails. Joe Biden is a boomer just like me and millions of good and decent Americans. All of us love America far more than ourselves.

Then, Joe, will help America heal… No more assholes in the WH! Please, please God! Not ever again…

Joe loves all of us, not just some of us…


Steve Sparks, 1946er and proud US Navy vet

About the author

Steve Sparks is a retired information technology sales and marketing executive with over 35 years of industry experience, including a Bachelors’ in Management from St. Mary’s College. His creative outlet is as a non-fiction author, writing about his roots as a post-WWII US Navy military child growing up in the 1950s-1960s.
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