“Nobody likes saying sorry. It’s not fun. Even as adults we say it in a loud burst, like it’s being forcefully expelled from us after hours of holding it in. Or we whisper it while we stare down at our toes like a 3-year-old.
Nobody likes being wrong. Being wrong is just wrong. It means you, as a person are wrong. Even worse, it means you are bad. We do all we can to avoid this feeling.
We are good people, right? We are caring, loving people. We vote our conscience, we stand up for others, we recycle, we donate to charity. We are good people. Good people don’t have to say sorry. Until we do.”
How does this apology thing work for me?
I apologize for lots of stuff, good, bad, ugly, different, sad, mad, miserable, sick, hungry, tired, acting stupid or funny or happy and other things. These are the things I believe other people don’t like about me at times, I perceive. At least, that’s what was programmed in my mind from childhood.
I went to confession every Saturday afternoon to apologize as well. That, I apologize for the most, as my my mind drifts back to confessing my sins. “What sins?” I ask.
And, what about people in your life who never apologize about anything at all, never, even the most offensive and aggregious behaviors? Well, these people will never change anyway. Leave them to their misery and self righteous egos.
But, at the same time, maybe a few guidelines might help. Let’s try, from my own experience in life as an adult. growing up feeling wrong about everything and anything.
What’s typical heathly apology? Or, not so healthy?
- Offensive behaviors, even suspected or perceived. You never know what the other person feels about your words, or actions.
- Anger/mean spirited
- Swearing too often, especially without filters all the time about everything and anything. You know f… this, f… that.
- Physical abuse
- Mental abuse
If you apologize about all these things all the time, get help now, or stay far away from people, and furry loved ones too, especially them.
Sometimes we suffer from things in life with little or no control. This is where I believe no apology is necessary, especially with loved ones.
- Can’t see
- Can’t hear
- Can’t pee
- Physical pain
- Emotions like crying
Sometimes we feel these are things we impose on others close to you. Yes, these things are very stressful to others, especially your partner or care giver. But, never apologize. Count on empathy and compassion ❤️ and love. Okay?