Category Archives: Love and Life Tool Box

What happens to building a lasting love life following severe trauma?

 

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Building loving and lasting relationships…

Regaining your love life…  Quote from this website article from World of Psychology…

“Reciprocation is the safe way to let go of fear and build trust in a relationship without being vulnerable. He or she does something nice, you do something nice back. He or she opens up about something personal, you open up about something personal. Great relationships are built over time where trust is developed by continuous positive interactions.”

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For most of my young adult life, it was very challenging to be completely open and comfortable with dating.  Trauma can cause a person to be both emotionally numb and to lack self confidence.  I had a poor self-image for many years that hindered my chances of experiencing deep love and affection.  My early relationships didn’t work out very well at all.   Growing up in a toxic home circumstance where there was little or no trust did not prepare me well for building loving relationships.  I had no idea how to relate intimately.  Nor did I really understand what love was all about.   In later years all the discomfort changed with maturity and in finally finding my soul-mate who showed me what true love and friendship was all about.  My wife, Judy and I just celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary by renewing our vows recently over a long weekend in Cannon Beach, Oregon.  I am a very lucky guy, especially in these later years of my life to have such a wonderful partner…

What I have learned is that being ignorant of the basics of a healthy relationship, and the potential damage of post trauma symptoms to building intimate relationships, is that awareness and treatment would have been a big plus for me as a young man.  I may have avoided making painful mistakes that affected others and myself.  The article, 3 Steps in Regaining Your Love Life Following Trauma by Emily Avagliano, is a good bet to memorize and take to heart sooner rather than later for trauma survivors.

Steve Sparks, Author, My Journey of Healing in Life After Trauma and Reconciliation: A Son’s Story…

Please support my mission of helping families who suffer from PTSD and moral injury…order my books, My Journey of Healing in Life After Trauma, Part 1… (Kindle $2.99), and Reconciliation: A Son’s Story.  Click and order paperback or download Kindle version.  Buy my book at Barnes & Noble as well… Thank you! Steve Sparks, Author

“Love and Life Toolbox…” A resource for children and families in life after trauma…

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Trauma: Why Can’t I Just Get Over This? Posted: May 7, 2014 | Tagged Emotional Health, Trauma – See more at: http://loveandlifetoolbox.com/trauma-why-cant-i-get-over-this/#sthash.pwXJQbXU.dpuf

Please support my mission of helping families who suffer from PTSD and moral injury…order my books, My Journey of Healing in Life After Trauma, Part 1… (Kindle $2.99), and Reconciliation: A Son’s Story.  Click and order paperback or download Kindle version.  Buy my book at Barnes & Noble as well… Thank you! Steve Sparks, Author

Love and Life Toolbox…  Quote from this reference website…

“Working through the Trauma Memories – although this can seem like a frightening thing to do.  It can often prove to be the most important step as it allows us to make sense of and get over life’s most difficult moments.  There are many approaches used today that are truly transformative (i.e., EMDR; Thematic Map; CBT Trauma Therapy; Somatic Therapy, etc).”

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I just discovered a new resource today that must be shared with all my friends and family!  The article, Trauma: Why Can’t I Just Get Over This? referenced above along with the a quote from the piece resonated with me.  Although I didn’t know it at the time, starting the research and writing my first book, Reconciliation: A Son’s Story, 3 years ago was the beginning of healing from a painful and traumatic childhood for me.  I subsequently learned later that “Working through the trauma memories” and reconciling the past could not have been a better start of a long and on-going healing process.

I spent most of my life until age 64 thinking, “What is wrong with me and why can’t I just get over this?”  Living and coping with a painful and traumatic past for anyone for any reason is heartbreaking.  The invisible wounds of trauma often cannot be seen even by the person who is affected let alone friends, family, and loved ones.  It seems to most survivors of trauma that everything, and everyone, including yourself is against finding the truth by confronting a past that becomes a heavy emotional burden.  In the end, I decided to take charge of my own healing process by using my writing skills to release and reconcile all that I could remember and research from a toxic post WWII and Korean War military childhood and young adult life.  Once deciding I was in charge to fix this nagging and lingering emotional pain, everything started to change for the better.  Now, three years later, my life includes peace of mind and joy that never existed before on a healthy and consistent basis.

For those affected by severe traumatic experiences in life, Please take quality time to check out Love and Life Toolbox.  You will be inspired to take ownership for your own path of healing.  The first step to healing from traumatic experiences in life is awareness.  My own story of transformation and healing is truly a blessing.  Go for it!

Steve Sparks, Author, My Journey of Healing in Life After Trauma, Part 1, and Reconciliation: A Son’s Story…