Husband. Father. Writer. Founder of Daddyfiles.com
“Why it doesn’t matter if that was how you were raised…” A Huffington Post article by Aaron Gouvela…
“Allow me to bottom line this for you. If you think hitting your kid with a stick until he bleeds is an acceptable form of punishment, you’re a bad parent. And, more than likely, you’re engaging in a criminal act. Your culture, race, ethnicity, and upbringing don’t matter in this instance. I don’t care where you’re from or what color you are, because when you decide to whip your 4-year-old with the branch of a tree, you are committing a crime. And I hope you face the same charges Peterson is facing.”
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I welcomed the news today that Adrian Peterson was suspended without pay from the Minnesota Vikings for the entire 2014 season!
I write about the intergenerational consequences of child abuse in my book. I wrote this story of my family’s post WWII and Korean War struggles and the challenges of growing up in a toxic family culture because we were all morally injured from child abuse…a lifetime tragedy. My father suffered terribly from the trauma of extended deployment as a US Navy wartime veteran. His severe depression and anxiety can be described as showing the worst symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress (PTS). My father was also beaten and abused as a child, compounding his own mental health issues. During my young life there was little or no awareness, nor protection for kids who were abused. I refer to the worst memories during my childhood as “the too terrible to remember 1950’s and early 1960’s.
The worst of my experiences as a child is best described from the following excerpt from my book, Reconciliation: A Son’s Story…
““As an added tragic note, my brother didn’t mention the time in Waukegan just before he entered the Navy, that Dad hit him in the head after Jerry was confronted in front of the house by some bullies. He almost took them all on and could have cleaned up since he was so strong. Dad hit his head so hard that it swelled up and we thought he needed medical attention. But Dad was afraid to take him to the hospital. Fortunately, Jerry recovered, but it is my opinion that this incident gave him a severe concussion that needed treatment. I know one thing for sure, as a little kid it hurt me deeply to see this happen. To this day I remember the terrible incident vividly. This horrid event is an example of a man who lived by day as a highly respected war hero training boots at the US Naval Training Center; and by night Dad was a mentally ill dangerous man who kept his family in a cage as victims of extreme abuse. None of us would talk about it for fear of being beaten. The US Navy did not see it, nor probably wanted to see it. This was a man who was solely responsible for our welfare and without him we would have been poor and homeless at the time. We had no choice but to live with him and to avoid his wrath as much as possible. None of us even understood the gravity of the situation until later. Denial certainly helped us survive but all the baggage is clear.”
Please get help if you find as a parent the need to “beat and scare the hell out of your child.” By seeking treatment and support from the mental health professional community, you can stop the cycle of intergenerational child abuse, and break the cycle of emotional pain. As an abused child from a time when there was complete denial and little awareness or treatment strategies, I still live with flashbacks at the prime age of 68. My own journey of healing is a lifelong work in progress… I also firmly believe that Minnesota Vikings star, Adrian Peterson, is a good person and will be a better father in the future…
Steve Sparks, Author, Reconciliation: A Son’s Story and My Journey of Healing in Life After Trauma, Part 1…
